


break my soul in two looking for you

by eternalqueenofthemyscira



Series: The Adventures of a Clan of Two [6]
Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Din may or may not have a teeny tiny mental breakdown, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt/No Comfort, emotional baggage is heavy, happens to the best of us tbh, i've written enough fluff it is time for PAIN, post S2E07, post chapter 15, we stan one (1) father and son duo with separation anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28032459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternalqueenofthemyscira/pseuds/eternalqueenofthemyscira
Summary: While on the way to Moff Gideon's ship, Din Djarin reflects on the loss of his son and the unbearable heartache that has followed from their separation.
Relationships: Baby Yoda (The Mandalorian TV) & Din Djarin
Series: The Adventures of a Clan of Two [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1556641
Comments: 20
Kudos: 139





	break my soul in two looking for you

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "coney island" by Taylor Swift. I listened to her new album the entire time I was writing this. I hope you enjoy!

Din Djarin groans as he shifts his position in the chair of _Slave I_. He was bruised worse than normal because of the crap that was Stormtrooper “armor” and how it could barely protect him. It was moments like this that made him appreciate the strength of beskar and understand why so many hunted its owners. 

Of course, he knew deep down that he couldn’t blame all of the aches and pains coursing through his body solely because of the fight. In the span of barely a day, he had lost his home, his son, and broken his Creed. Those losses had so far been pushed into the back of his mind as he had other priorities to take care of, but it was getting harder to ignore the pull at his heart. 

Maker, he could feel tears beginning to swell behind his eyes just at the thought of his lost son. There was no way of knowing what the Empire was doing to him right now. Just the thought of him in pain made Din feel sick to his stomach. The desire to close his eyes to push the images away was strong, but everytime he closed his eyes he saw the terrified expression on Grogu’s face as they got separated. All he could do now was sit and wait. He had always hated feeling helpless, but never had he hated it more than in this moment. 

His throat was constricting and he could feel the tears starting to make their way down his cheeks; his heart caught painfully between wanting to feel numb to the situation and just wanting to sob until he couldn’t move anymore. 

_‘Not now, Din. Not now. We’re on our way to Moff Gideon’s ship. Don’t break now,”_ he tries to tell himself, but it doesn’t work. 

Barely a moment later, he decides that he needs to be alone. Everyone in this crew can likely predict how he’s feeling, but he doubts anyone truly understands the pain he’s in. He wouldn’t wish this type of pain on anyone; how any parent had been able to bear the pain of being separated from their child was beyond him. 

“Excuse me for a minute,” his voice cracks with emotion, but he doesn’t care enough to look to see if Cara or Fennec notice. 

This ship was smaller than the _Razor Crest_ had been, so he was thankful to find a small corner in the cargo hold to be alone. His attempts to take deep breaths had failed so far, so he rested his entire body against the short metal wall. 

Unable to hold himself together anymore, he let out an unhuman sounding cry of grief and sunk to the floor. He ripped off his helmet and slammed it against the ground. The metallic bang barely registered in his mind as his body racked with sobs. 

This is a heartache like he’s never felt before. As a foundling, the loss of his parents would keep him up at night. He had never understood why neither of them climbed into the barrack with him so they could be safe too. He does now. He knows that if it meant protecting Grogu, he would lay his life down without a second thought. Wasn’t that his role now, as the child’s father? The Mandalorians had taught him that there was no such thing as a hero and that it was expected of him to be prepared to die in order to protect his family. Never before had he had a family to protect, and now that he did, he had failed to do so. 

Ahsoka had said that Grogu thought of him as a father, a happy memory that only rips his heart further now. He hoped that Grogu wasn’t in any sort of pain, inflicted or from heartache. His beloved _ad’ika_ would cry when they were apart for even a few moments, the separation that faced them now must seem unbearable to him. 

He would never be able to forgive himself for this. Even if they got the kid back he still wouldn’t be able to. The Empire was cruel and he couldn’t stand the thought of what they possibly wanted with his son. 

_‘Deep breaths, Din. You are going to get Grogu back,’_ he attempts to reassure himself, although it doesn’t seem to work as well as he hoped. 

After taking a few deep breaths, his sobs have miraculously become quieter, which gives him the chance to adjust himself properly against the wall. As soon as he moves, something digs uncomfortably into his hip. Wincing, he reaches into his suit to pull out whatever it was. 

The metal ball. It had been one of the only things that had survived the explosion that had destroyed the _Razor Crest_. Of all of his possessions, which were quite few, this had been the one to stay intact. Surely, that must have been a sign from the universe. 

A deep, strangled noise leaves his throat. Grogu had always been absolutely mesmerized by this little thing. It seemed so small in his battleworn hand, yet it fit perfectly in the palm of his beloved boy.

Before he can even think, he brings the ball to his lips and gently kisses it. As a child, his parents never shied away from showing their affection towards him. They had always been willing to hold him or to kiss his forehead before he went to sleep. Showing more affection to Grogu is added to the ever growing list of things he wants to do with him once they’re together again. 

Gently rolling the ball back and forth in his hands, just as Grogu enjoyed doing, was the key to calming his sobs. As much as his head and throat hurt, he had work to be done. 

Standing up, he puts the ball back into his pouch and grabs his helmet off the ground. Just as he slips it over his head, there is a knock on the nearby door. 

After quickly clearing his throat, “Come in.” 

A helmetless Boba Fett greets him from the other side. His expression is unreadable, but there is a pained look in his eyes that reflects the pain in Din’s heart. 

“I just came in to check on you. We’re about two hours out still,” he speaks, his clear voice ringing in Din’s ears. 

“ _Vor entye_ , Fett. Thank you,” he says, his voice more quiet than he intends. 

Fett nods his head, although he doesn’t turn to leave yet. He stares at a small spot on the wall where some of the paint has worn off. It’s about a child’s height and looks like where one might have chosen to put special drawings or keepsakes. 

“I know it may seem like nobody in the world can understand the pain you’re going through,” Fett breaks the silence.“But believe me, I do. I am all too familiar with the pain that comes from a father and son being separated.” 

Din inhales deeply and digs his nails into his palm to stop himself from crying, “I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I’ve never hurt like this before.” 

“There’s really only one way for the pain to go away. That’s why I want to help you as much as I do. You still have a chance of reuniting with your boy. My father is long gone.” The pain in Fett’s voice is clear and Din is unable to look at him. 

“I’m sorry, Boba Fett.” 

“The past cannot change, we can only hope to make a better future.” 

A few more moments of comfortable silence ring out in the ship until Boba Fett walks over to Din. He lifts his head to look up just as a warm hand falls onto his shoulder. 

_“Gar taldin ni jaonyc, gar sa buir, ori’wadaas’la.”_ Fett says in perfect Mando’a. 

A soft smile pulls at his lips, “Yes, you’re right. I can never thank you enough, Fett.” 

Fett smiles in return, although he cannot see the one under Din’s helmet, “You have given back my father’s armor, it is I who should be saying that to you.” 

Din nods and Fett takes his hand off of his shoulder. Fett makes his way back to the hull of the ship with a sidelong glance at the worn spot on the wall. 

“Take all of the time you need. We will be ready when you are,” Fett says before leaving him alone again. 

He sighs and takes a few deep breaths. He needed to be ready to fight his way through an Imperial ship. Anything to get Grogu back. In that moment, he vowed that the moment Grogu was back in his care, he would take the adoption vow for him. _Ni kyr’tayl gai sa’ad._ The entire time he was fighting to get him back, that’s what he would recite in his head. Over and over again until he got the chance to say it to Grogu. And he would be getting the chance to say it to him. Or he would die trying.

**Author's Note:**

> Mando’a translations  
> Vor entye - thank you  
> Gar taldin ni jaonyc, gar sa buir, ori’wadaas’la - nobody cares who your father is, only the father you’ll be  
> Ni kyr’tayl gai sa’ad - adoption vow: “I know your name as my child”
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Comments/kudos are very much appreciated :)


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